Being a transfer student. That little fact about me as affected me in ways that I never thought would. I never realized that there would be much of a difference transferring from one school to another versus going into a University as a freshmen. I'm learning more and more how wrong that assumption was. Transferring, is, well, kind of a weird process.
I have already realized that the years in college, or in your early 20's, are the most defining in your young life. You develop so much of who you are, your personality, friendships, interests, beliefs, etc. I began that process in community college. I left high school early and entered community college at 16. I was a young and lost little puppy that year. However, going to college, and becoming involved in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (at the time the new and first faith based club on campus) became instrumental in my growth and development as a person.
I grew so much while attending community college and developed my closest friendships. I experienced so much in such a close knit community and learned more about Jesus and my faith than ever anticipated. Looking back on those four years (yes, FOUR YEARS!) attending my local college, I appreciate it so much more than I thought I would, and miss it more than I realize.
So, that brings me into the now. I attend a large University, am brand new, but am not a freshman. Going into a college as junior, where everyone your age is already so integrated into the school and already have their friends and life, is weird. For me personally, I have felt like I am starting the whole college process over again. Which, feels really weird. I feel like this is something I've already been through and have already had. I feel like I am having to "find myself" all over again, if that makes sense. It makes it hard to reconcile your feelings while attending. In other ways, I am so excited and feel so blessed to even have the opportunity to go to school, a luxury that I know many do not get to experience.
I know that God has me here for a reason, wouldn't send me here without a purpose, etc. But I would be lying if I didn't say that it's tough at times, and a bit of a lonely process. Entering into a new place, moving out of your home, and starting school with a harder and larger work load- it feels like a lot of newness all at once. It makes me just want to escape and do nothing, however, I know that is not the answer.
I know that this is also a process, and I need to allow myself time to adjust, and not feel like I need to have it all together right away. I know I stepped into this experience feeling that way- that I had to make super best friends right away, do awesome in all my classes, be involved with a million clubs, go to everything, attend every event possible. I feel more pressure since I only have two years here rather than the usual four that most have. However...I got to ease up on myself. I end up in a spiral of disappointment and guilt for all the things I am NOT doing. And this is where I end up doing nothing- when everything seems just too overwhelming.
So, I don't know exactly what my next steps are, but changing something has to be one of them. I want my last two years of college to be good. I want to experience all the opportunities that this school offers- with a humble and grateful heart. The first step is to get back on track with my school work. I have been slacking because of all the emotional baggage going on in my own head is making it hard to stay focused and motivated.
I'm praying for focus, motivation, and comfort. I know God's got my back, and he's keeping me company always, despite how often I don't acknowledge it. The other day, while not feeling too great about a lot of the things mentioned above, I came upon this verse, "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." -Deut 31:8
God's already been in all the places that I am going, so I have nothing to fear.
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