Musical Musing- Shake it Out

I've been listening to "Shake it Out" by Florence & the Machine almost every day since I first discovered it. It is interesting how sometimes a secular song can reach you more spiritually than a Christian song. Now, I know that Florence & the Machine are not Christian and that it's not necessarily what the song was intended for, but it definitely reached me in a spiritual way.

The song delves into the struggle to leave the past behind, to feel held down with regrets and the feeling of carrying a great weight. The song begins with, "Regrets collect like old friends/ here to relive your darkest moments." It continues later with, "And I've been a fool / I've been blind / I can never leave the past behind." Listening to this song, you can just feel and relate to the weight she is talking about. You can feel all the feelings and memories you are still caring, the ones that hold you down; the ones that make you depressed; the ones that cause you to waste time avoiding them.

The main line in the song is "And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back/ So shake him off /oh woah" This is what got me when first listening to the song. You are carrying the devil on your back- everything that is telling you can't, that you're not worthy, that you have to live in regret, that you are not good enough, that you are not beautiful, that you are your past, that you are nothing. It would be hard to dance while carrying that much baggage. So shake it off. No doubt it will come up to haunt you every day, but every day, shake it off.

The song continues with, "I am done with my graceless heart/ So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart." God gives us a chance to restart everyday. In one day we accumulate so much baggage- bitterness, jealousy, envy, insecurity, self-hatred, fear, anger, etc. I'm sure there are countless things we could name. It amazes me though that if I allow it to happen, I can renew my heart and soul every day.

I can shake the devil off everyday, I can cut out my graceless heart everyday.

She sings, "It's always darkest before the dawn." To feel and see the light that is Jesus requires first experiencing the darkness of our humanity. But the light will come, it always does, anytime you need it.

The more I reflect on these ideas, the more I struggle daily with the same feelings, the more I learn how difficult it is to truly shake the devil off.  Negative feelings run deep. It's much easier to lose positive feelings, which is a sad truth. Although, it shows the need for something more powerful than ourselves to relieve us from the chains that are our own emotions. The hardest part is that it is a choice to turn to Him and find freedom. Most of the time though, it's easier to hold on to them, find means to escape them, but to never truly let them go.

I want to learn how to shake the devil off daily and mean it. I'm tired of feeling trapped by emotion, feelings, and regrets.

So I guess my question is for this musing, is What does it look like to not just escape but to find real freedom?

Community...(college, that is)

Being a transfer student. That little fact about me as affected me in ways that I never thought would. I never realized that there would be much of a difference transferring from one school to another versus going into a University as a freshmen. I'm learning more and more how wrong that assumption was. Transferring, is, well, kind of a weird process.

I have already realized that the years in college, or in your early 20's, are the most defining in your young life. You develop so much of who you are, your personality, friendships, interests, beliefs, etc. I began that process in community college. I left high school early and entered community college at 16. I was a young and lost little puppy that year. However, going to college, and becoming involved in InterVarsity Christian Fellowship (at the time the new and first faith based club on campus) became instrumental in my growth and development as a person.

I grew so much while attending community college and developed my closest friendships. I experienced so much in such a close knit community and learned more about Jesus and my faith than ever anticipated. Looking back on those four years (yes, FOUR YEARS!) attending my local college, I appreciate it so much more than I thought I would, and miss it more than I realize.

So, that brings me into the now. I attend a large University, am brand new, but am not a freshman. Going into a college as junior, where everyone your age is already so integrated into the school and already have their friends and life, is weird. For me personally, I have felt like I am starting the whole college process over again. Which, feels really weird. I feel like this is something I've already been through and have already had. I feel like I am having to "find myself" all over again, if that makes sense. It makes it hard to reconcile your feelings while attending. In other ways, I am so excited and feel so blessed to even have the opportunity to go to school, a luxury that I know many do not get to experience.

I know that God has me here for a reason, wouldn't send me here without a purpose, etc. But I would be lying if I didn't say that it's tough at times, and a bit of a lonely process. Entering into a new place, moving out of your home, and starting school with a harder and larger work load- it feels like a lot of newness all at once. It makes me just want to escape and do nothing, however, I know that is not the answer.

I know that this is also a process, and I need to allow myself time to adjust, and not feel like I need to have it all together right away. I know I stepped into this experience feeling that way- that I had to make super best friends right away, do awesome in all my classes, be involved with a million clubs, go to everything, attend every event possible. I feel more pressure since I only have two years here rather than the usual four that most have. However...I got to ease up on myself. I end up in a spiral of disappointment and guilt for all the things I am NOT doing. And this is where I end up doing nothing- when everything seems just too overwhelming.

So, I don't know exactly what my next steps are, but changing something has to be one of them. I want my last two years of college to be good. I want to experience all the opportunities that this school offers- with a humble and grateful heart. The first step is to get back on track with my school work. I have been slacking because of all the emotional baggage going on in my own head is making it hard to stay focused and motivated.

I'm praying for focus, motivation, and comfort. I know God's got my back, and he's keeping me company always, despite how often I don't acknowledge it. The other day, while not feeling too great about a lot of the things mentioned above, I came upon this verse, "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." -Deut 31:8

God's already been in all the places that I am going, so I have nothing to fear.

Outfit details:
Cardigan: Gap
Short: Old Navy
Sweater: (light pink) Kohls
Tights: Target?
Boots: Bass
Scarf: Grandmother's scarf from her trip to Russia

Trying to stay warm in creative ways, jeans and leggings can get boring and repetitive. Plus this is a nice way to still get to wear your shorts when the weather gets chilly. I also paired it with boot socks to add a little extra warmth!

Off to take my exam...blah! 

Lumberjack

Outfit Details:
Plaid Shirt: Target
Blazer: Old Navy, thrifted
Jeans: Target, boot cut
Shoes: (not seen) black flats from Payless

I was trying to figure out a way to make a plaid lumberjack shirt a little more feminine and put together, so it didn't feel as much like pajamas. I love this shirt for that reason, but for being out and around school, I like to feel a little more put together. Fortunately, you usually can never go wrong with a black blazer.

I used Instagram app on my Ipod touch to take this picture. I've noticed it's a really good app to make a crappy quality picture into something that looks decent. Of course it's fun too that it makes it look all vintage.

Anyways, exam tomorrow, off to study!

Instagramin'

Today is Tomorrow

Have you ever heard of the website pinterest? I believe people just post things they like or find on the internet on it. But let me tell you, it is pretty addicting and entertaining. I found it when I was looking at one of my favorite healthy living bloggers, Healthy Tipping Point , when she posted this "pin" she found. I can't seem to get this phrase out of my head lately. I just feel like it rings so true. How many times do we say we'll start something tomorrow? Everyday I tell myself, "tomorrow is the day when you'll finally ________" insert whatever there. The truth is though, I tend to never do it. So lately, when I start procrastinating something I need or want to do, I try to remind myself, "Yesterday, you said tomorrow, it's now tomorrow." Not that it always works, but it helps. I just feel tired of reflecting on my day and regretting all the things I didn't do. I hate going to sleep with things on my to do list still unchecked or homework still not completed. However, I don't want to just apply this to practical things- I want to apply it life things. Making new friendships, joining clubs, volunteering, and experiencing new things. I have so much opprotunity right in front of me that it feels overwhelming to know what to do or where to start, but I don't want to look back and realize that instead of taking a chance, I did nothing.
"You don't have to do everything, you just have to do something."