A Clumsy Blogger

I have been lacking so much in the blogging department lately. It makes me sad because I enjoy doing it so much. I think I've just been in a weird place and find myself not wanting to stay on the internet very long. I think something though I wish to do, is be more open and honest in my blog. I want to be more vulnerable with some things and feelings that are going on. I always admire people who are able to share several aspects of their life with others through their blog. I'm looking for that same outlet and community.

Also, I am up to five followers! That amazes me because two of them I don't know! Thank you for following and I'm sorry for the lack of posts.

At this time of my life, I feel like I'm searching for a lot of inner healing. A Clumsy Way of Healing  might be a more appropriate name for my blog at the moment. I won't go into too personal details, but life has been so interesting lately. I have been so up and down and all over the place, mentally especially. I'm continually searching for what I want, how I feel, what I'm supposed to be. I'm really seeking to let Jesus be the center of my life but finding that I'm struggling giving up control. I like to make plans myself and have an idea of my future. I can get caught up in the ideas of success and wanting to achieve. However, my reasons behind it are not right. I want to do it for me, to be able to say "look what I did." I feel that should change from, "look what I did," to "look at how God is working through my life." In reality, whatever I do, it's because he wants me there. I can walk in so much rest if only I just allowed it to happen.

A major step I am taking, and feeling God push me towards, is going out and serving. I have been to so many conferences, teachings, meetings, sermons and bible studies. I have done service here and their in some areas, but lack in many other areas. However, I just feel a desire for something bigger. To put years of teaching into real action. The opportunity came up to go live in Fresno, CA for 6 weeks through a program called FUI (Fresno Urban Internship.) I am going to be learning to work in Urban ministry in one of the poorest cities in the nation. Their is so much brokenness in Fresno, and in reality I am terrified to displace myself like this. However, I know that God already has the experience planned out for me. It is going to be trans-formative. I'm praying that not only will God use me to give to others whatever I can, but I'm praying that He teaches me and grows me in ways that I couldn't have imagined. I'm excited, scared, nervous and full of joy. This will be my first time doing any kind of ministry like this- I'm going to be stretched!

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'-Matthew 25:40

Following Jesus is a Crazy Way of Life. It's incredible. It's scary. It's uncomfortable. It's beautiful.

This weekend, I am going to a cross-cultural ministry training called S.T.I.M (Students Training In Missions). I'm really looking forward to the content and am so amazed that I will even be there! I never thought I would be someone to do something like this, but I guess God saw me fit for it.

Another plus is that I will be going with some really close friends! There will be six of us, I believe going. Two of us to FUI and the others will be going to Bosnia! Who knew God would be bringing people to work on such a broad scale from just a little community college in a city no one has heard of?

Wishing a lovely weekend for everyone,
Shannon